Does your family understand and support you

[Cookiecrum]

Sometimes it is difficult when a household relies on 2 incomes to make it. It can make anyone frustrated that they can not provide what they used to before their injury. Some times it just helps when you have someone support you and all that you have been through and will continue to go through. Some of us have understanding spouses, BF's or GF's but then there are some of us who don't and that can make it even more difficult for us who are injured.
I will be honest my relationship has changed a great deal after getting hurt. Unfortunately I don't have one of those understanding people in my life. The thing of it is it is hard to make anyone understand what you are going through unless they have been there done that. Like this forum.
So in Febuary I had started seeing a therapist for my work related injury, but I feel like when I see him all I am aloud to do is talk about my hand, when infact it is more then just it hurting or being unable to do stuff that I could do before. The big part of my depression is that I don't have someone who understands what I am going through and it causes alot of conflict. My first visit with the therapist he gave me zoloft. I told my BF and he told me he didn't want me taking it. So I was secretly taking it behind his back, then he found out and takes them from me now. After I had my first surgery, the doctor gave me oxy codone and then vicadin. That was the same thing. It doesn't matter that I have a phobia with pills but even when I want to take them because of pain, I can't because he won't let me. Even with the Pm doctor he told me to tell the doctor no pills even though I would like to go another route. I do know that even if the doctor did give me pills, he wouldn't want me to take them. Anything to stop hurting.
My bf doesn't know just how depressed I am and I have tried to tell him but he says there is nothing to be depressed about.
I am glad I found this site it is actually the only outlet that I have and I know no one is going to 'down" me.
Sorry this is long just had to get this out...

[jayne]

kick his a$$ to the curb what he is doing is abuse pure and simple...depression kills and pain makes depression worse.....

[buildergirl1973]

i agree with jayne.....you don't need someone being negative, he sounds like he's just being mean. he doesn't understand what your going through.

[bronco54501]

THAT IS JUST BEING TOTALY (Jayne's lame attempt to bypass the Bad Word Filter) 9.. I can see 2 choices if I were you like they said kick him to the curb or grow a pair, as in stand up to him, he cant be around you 24-7 or is he...? I dont know what goes on in your home, my wife would would have me either out the door or posioned if I treated her that way.. You need those pills to get pain under controll, then it will help with stress as well...

You need to get your bf on here and read a bit of injured peoples lifes.. And to show him what we have said...

I dont mean this as a invatation to you's to fight but he does need to understand you need him or someone to support you....

What ever you decide to do, I know you have to live with but I truley hope the best for you and you find some kind of help from him...........Bronco

[Manley2]

My wife suffered a WC injury right before we were married so she completely understands were I'm at. With the depression I have now I can't even dream how bad it would be if she didn't understand. Too many people just don't understand being in pain day in and day out. Some do and allot say they do but until you are in that boat it's just hard to understand. I could understand the need to remind those that have never been there from time to time but not from one minute to the next. They need to move on down the road and pray they are never in this kind of pain

[bodybuilder1958]

My saving grace for the nearly 4 years of this mess has been my faith, my husband and my children. Before my injury, before I fell at home related to my injury I was making close to $45,000. net a year. My paid benefits ran out in 2 1/2 months, we took out a second mortgage, that helped for awhile. We were within 7 weeks of loosing our home when I finally got TTD payment. That was a true blessing. The rest of my family thinks I'm a lazy bum, they didn't understand that for 23 months I wasn't allowed to work. Now that I've been released with no restrictions to work (I walk with a severe limp, need a cane, knee buckles, barely go down stairs), I have zero chances of finding a job. Add to that my pathetic lawyer and it sucks.
But my husband has been wonderful, he lets me vent. Now that the TTD benefits have stopped things are getting hard again. Two boys in college and it just adds up. But last month I got my mileage check, one that I'd worked for 2 years to get plus I got reimbursed for a cortisone shot. Those two checks paid in full our car tags, so that's one less problem to worry about.
Life goes on ..., find blessings where you can. But if you don't have support at home you need to go find it. A pastor, counseling, a good friend. I volunteered for nearly a year at our local nursing home reading to two patients. Both of them died within 3 weeks of each other early this year. I haven't found anyone else at the home that wants companionship.

Take care,
Joan

[Cookiecrum]

I would love to kick his a$$ to the curb. Sense it is his home, I can not do that. I am waiting for all this work comp stuff just to be over and done with so I will have the money to move out.
No he isn't around me 24/7 but he might as well be. His whole family lives in the neighborhood, on the same street.
And yes he is being mean and I have told him over and over again. But he says he isn't.
I told him last night if I treated you the way you treat me, you would hate my guts. He said No I wouldn't.
I actually signed up for the YMCA this past summer and when I told him about it, he said he didn't want me going. I feel like a little kid.
As far as the pills I am going to start having them sent to my mother's house. ( my mother lives in another county, so I will have to make a long special trip for that) I get them shipped to me.
He isn't just like that way with pills to me. His son just got hurt at work 2 months ago(if that) and in fact is having surgery today. He told his son he didn't need pain pills. Not really sure what his problem is with pain pills or any kind of pills.
He wasn't so bad after I got hurt. And even after I had my first surgery he had his mother come over and help me with the baby cause he was only 9 months old then. But after my second surgery which was 7 or 8 months after my first one, I had to do everything.
Sometimes I call to talk with my Dad. He was hurt on the job Eons ago and he knows because till today he still has problems and he understands. When I am at his house, he doesn't let me lift anything. He puts all my baby's stuff in the car, starts my car up for me. Everything. Sometimes I do wish he was closer.
Well thanks all for "listening" sometimes it helps to just get i t out.

[sparkey]

Did he ever take pain pills before? Did he ever have pain so bad that he needed a pill to relieve the pain? I had this problem with my husband when I first got injured. He would see me getting percocets and methadone from the pain clinic and he would watch me take the medication and tell me how I should be careful with all the meds I am taking because he saw his aunt pass away many years ago from being on a number of medications. They found her blown up on the floor of her apartment with vomit besides her mouth. The autopsy said she had died of an overdose. She was in her late 30's.

To the day my husband will do little things for me like scoop the ice cream into my bowl at night cause it is to hard for me to do. He will open packages that I cannot open. I always keep sissors nearby in the kitchen to open packages as I have no grip. I am on about 5 different medications right now and when I go to take my meds. at night I try not to take any around him or I will hear the lecture of how I should not be taking so many medications. I take them for my RSD and I take them for RLS. I get fed up with hearing it all the time myself. When you have an injury that is one that noone can see , it is hard to believe you have alot of pain. You cannot see my arm how painful it is all the way from my fingertips to my neck.

My husband never once supported me through my whole WC case. When I received my permanent impairment award I opened up a savings account and I put it in there for MYSELF. He did nothing for me to help fight it and when it was time to go to court for a hearing he took the day out of work to work on his truck. I was very upset and thought he took the day out to be by my side in court and he didn't plan it. He planned the other ( work on his truck). So I now have money in my savings that is MY money and he will not get any of it and he knows this. I have told him many times already. He does not seem to care. It is there for a rainy day for me. If I need it for a lawyer or medications or procedure or to move out..LOL

Hang in there and If I were you, I would make him go with you to the therapist and sit there and let this therapist talk to you in front of him of how you feel etc. My husband was also offered to go to my doctors so they could explain to him what RSD is and I have told him many times to read up on it on the computer and still he has not when I ask him. So you are not alone when it comes to no support from the spouse.

I have hid medications from him and felt guilty. But I need to do what I need to do to get better and to live in this life with less pain. If it was his body I am sure he would feel differently. The doctor has given him vicodin and percocets before and he took them with no complaints. Sometimes It is also jealousy. Maybe he wants the medications that is provided to you.

I know my husband never hesitated to take percocets when he was in pain and sometimes I feel he is jealous standing there watching me take them and wanting one himself. Count your medications and put them some place safe. Trust me on this one. : )

[Cookiecrum]

the only time my BF has come with me to anything was when I had surgery. Cause I obviously couldn't drive. But I hear about it all the time about how he should have been compensated for that. Plus just a few weeks ago he came with me to the orthopedic doctor. I needed someone mean to be with me because i wasn't going to walk out of their with no answers like I normally did.
other then that he has never supported anything with work comp. Just about how nice it would be to get paid by them.
All the money that I have gotten from work comp. I have paid bills with and bought stuff for my son and daughter.
Now that I get impairment benefits I haven't told him about that and just put it in my account. I also will do the same thing when I settle. More then likely to move out.
I know his ex wife (from 26 years ago) Always took any kind of drugs she could get her hands on. It is hard for me to take one pill, let alone 2 or 3. I get ill. He should know this because when I came home from the hospital after my first surgery. About midnight the block wore off and I was in so much pain I took an oxy codone and two minutes later it came back up.
If anything he should also know because I am always complaining about it. The toughest part is dropping something and I say real loud OHHHHHH and now my son does that when he drops something.
People I don't even know always ask me what happened to my hand because there is a gigantic lump just above my wrist 9 (I think it is scar tissue it is hard and makes my whole arm hurt) and also my hand is a little smaller then the left, not sure if that is because of the fusion or because I spent a great deal of 2008 in a cast and a splint. Oh yeah plus the 8 scars I have on my hand. But yeah I shouldn't be taken pain meds..lol
He doesn't get on the computer because he doesn't know how to use one. But then again..Lucky me...
He doesn't know I get on this site and I think that's for the best

[Bummer Knees]

Is there a safe house near where you live?

Might check into it. If for any reason you feel your are in danger contact the safe house.

If you will pm me your address I can check into a safe house location for you.